Contentment
by deleria
Summary: Blanket fic... sort of. Kagome & Inuyasha alone in the middle of a snow storm; Kagome gets ill, Inuyasha takes care of her... COMPLETE!
1. Sickness

**Author's Note:** This fan fiction was written in response to the "blanket scenario" challenge. I wrote this almost a year ago and am just now putting it up for all to see. If you take the time to read this, you will see that I took some liberties with the challenge idea. At least, I think I did. I didn't put this up sooner because I wasn't quite satisfied with it... and I'm still not. It can obviously be improved, but I'm pleased with it enough that I am willing to share it with the rest of the English-reading world. 

**FYI:**"..." = talking | ... = thinking | **...** = flashback

Please do not steal or archive this fan fiction. I spent a lot of time on it and I feel a little protective of it. If you wish to archive this story or add it to your site, please email me.

This piece of fan fiction is based to occur in the Volume 18 timeline of the manga. Specifically Volume 18, chapters 173-176. God bless Chris Rijk for all his hard work in translating the most recent chapters of Inuyasha as they are published in Japan and posting them on his web site along with some scans of the artwork. Thank you!

**Disclaimer:** Inuyasha - Sengoku o-Togi Zoushi (Inu-Yasha: A Feudal Fairy Tale) was created by Takahashi Rumiko and is distributed in North America by Viz. I have no right to use Takahashi-sama's characters in any manner whatsoever... but I am hoping she does not mind my borrowing them for a bit.

* * *

**Contentment  
****Chapter One  
~ sickness ~**

* * *

A young woman with long, raven hair blurred into whiteness only to reappear for a brief moment as the wind swirled around her petite form and engulfed her once again. Her body shivered and coughed... and finally sighed in exhaustion. Her painfully numb fingers hid in the sleeves of her jacket desperately seeking shelter from the cold. The wind roared in her face, forcing more tears from her eyes and making her nose run.

Kagome had no idea where the young hanyou male was leading her and she didn't really care. All of her energy was being spent just trying to keep up with him as he broke snow a few meters ahead. 

The cold was unbearable. 

The ferocity of the wind and the whiteness of the landscape were making it difficult for her to distinguish landmarks and maintain her sense of direction. She trusted her companion completely. They were _not_ lost. To be lost in this blizzard would probably mean their deaths, at least hers. 

She could not believe how quickly the weather had changed on them. Just yesterday, it had been bright and sunny with just a hint of chill in the air, as winter was still another month away. Yesterday afternoon rain had started to fall, then the temperature began to plummet overnight... and now it was snowing. They had witnessed the birth of an unseasonably harsh blizzard and now they were caught within it, unprotected and possibly lost.

Marching through the snow was the only thing that was keeping Kagome at least somewhat warm and alert. The coat she wore was much too thin to offer any real protection from the blistering wind. The occasional bouts of shivering or coughing fits were making it more and more difficult to keep up with Inuyasha, who appeared to be unaffected by the cold from as far as Kagome could tell.

Tracking him carefully, Kagome realized she was falling behind once again. Stubbornness energized her and she forced herself to move faster, hoping she would be able to keep up her pace long enough to close most of the distance between them.

After a couple of meters, harsh-sounding coughs racked Kagome's body, causing her to slow once again.

She mentally berated herself for her foolishness. She knew yesterday that she was not well enough to suddenly leave the village and accompany Inuyasha out into the forest. Kagome had sensed a shard close by and Inuyasha did not want to miss the opportunity to track it down. He had grabbed her by the hand and had practically dragged her out of the village while Kagome had only weakly protested.

_**"I'm tired, Inuyasha. Can't we do this tomorrow?"_

_"It'll be gone tomorrow!"_

_"...but what about the others?"_

_"Bah! By the time they get back, it'll probably be gone. Stop dawdling, girl! Let's go!"**_

At times like those, he often reminded her of a child on his birthday, albeit a bratty child. His eyes bright and anxious with an underlining hint of excitement and eagerness in his voice. He was so... intense. 

She loved that about him. 

His enthusiasm and insistence, accompanied by her own sense of excitement and desire just to be near him caused her to momentarily forget that she had been fighting off a cold for the last few days. Therefore, she followed him, as she always did. 

As she always would.

Kagome sighed and redirected her thoughts. Images of her home and family flashed through her mind. She longed to crawl into her own bed and have her mother care for her as she used to when Kagome was small. 

She missed that. 

She had planned to return home for a few days until her cold passed, but Inuyasha would not hear of it. After a good hour of arguing, Kagome had tried to compromise; she would return home for just a few hours. Inuyasha, already in a foul mood, rejected the compromise and Kagome was through trying to be patient. After pounding one sit after another upon the disgruntled dog-boy, Kagome quickly made her way through the well and back to her own time, leaving Inuyasha to wonder if she would return at all.

Looking back on it now, she _should_ have stayed home.

She had every reason in the world not to return to Inuyasha for a few days, but she knew that if she did not go back he would just come looking for her and drive her crazy until she did. The best course of action at the time seemed to be to just pack some flu medicine and try to take it easy. She realized now, as she trudged through the snow with her head pounding and her chest full of phlegm, that she had made a serious mistake.

The medicine had done its job, at least at first. She was breathing easier and her sinus headaches, congestion and dizziness had subsided... until now. Walking around in the snow was making her illness come back at full force and sapping her strength rapidly. She didn't know if she would be able to keep up with him for much longer, but she would be damned if she would ask _him_ for help.

An exasperated sigh escaped her lips as she watched Inuyasha tread through the snow with such ease, the gap between them ever widening. 

She never told him that she wasn't feeling well, even when she was trying to convince him to let her go home for a few days. She figured he would just berate her about how she was just another weak, frail human and that was the last thing she wanted to deal with at the time.

_Kikyou probably wouldn't complain about feeling ill. She would probably whip-up some spell or concoction to cure herself or something..._ a nagging voice in the back of her mind piped in. A voice she had tried repeatedly to ignore for the last few weeks without much success. _She's dead, she can't get sick. Though I bet she never got sick when she was alive anyway. She's practically a goddess, after all..._

Kagome pursed her lips together and grimaced. _Kikyou._ She didn't want to start thinking about her again. Thoughts of Kikyou always seemed to put her in a sour mood.

In that instant of seeing Kikyou and Inuyasha together near the well just a few weeks ago... the concern and protectiveness in his eyes, the intimacy of their conversation... Kagome knew that Inuyasha had chosen. 

He wanted Kikyou. He _loved_ her.

Kagome realized all at once that the bond between them was far too strong to compete with and it was pointless to even try. She never felt like more of a fool than she did at that very moment and she cursed herself for you naïveté. 

Her heart broken, she left the feudal age and returned to her own time intent on remaining there forever. She thought it would be easier for everyone that way, and she didn't want to interfere with Inuyasha and Kikyou's relationship. It was painful enough to know that she was not the one she chose. 

She was not the one he _loved._

However, Kagome did not anticipate how much her heart would yearn to be near him once she was away from him. It wasn't a simple matter of getting over him because after the first few days, she knew she never would. She _had_ to go back. She simply had to see him again, her pride be damned. It was almost as if she couldn't breathe without him.

Thoughts of Kikyou and Inuyasha filled her every waking moment since the incident at the well. Kagome thought that she had come to an understanding of who and what Kikyou was and what she meant to Inuyasha when she decided to return. She had even fooled herself into thinking that she would be content with the situation as it was... but it still tore at her, and Inuyasha seemed oblivious to it all. 

He was oblivious to Kagome's breaking heart and inner torment, just as he was oblivious to her illness and falling behind in the storm.

The Shikon no Tama, finding Naraku and appeasing Kikyou's rage was all that seemed to matter to him. She felt lost, only useful when the time came to locate the shards. She was just a tool in his quest to become full youkai and reap revenge on the one who tore him and Kikyou apart. 

_Where will I be when I am no longer useful?_

Yet... there were times when he risked his life for her sake and regarded her with an unusual amount of possessiveness... it was confusing. She wasn't certain if he acted that way because he cared about _her_, or because she and Kikyou shared part of the same soul and he just felt protective of what once belonged to his lost love.

After Kikyou's resurrection, Kaede had confided to Kagome that she was more than just an embodiment of Kikyou. She had told Kagome that she would not have survived her ordeal with the ogress if she were simply a reincarnation.

Inuyasha had said once that he did not see she and Kikyou as one in the same. 

Those words from both Inuyasha and Kaede had comforted her. The long-time nagging thought that Kagome wasn't unique to the world had been quieted. Kagome felt that her thoughts and feelings were hers alone, not the thoughts and feelings of a woman who died five centuries before her birth. Kagome was her own person. She was not a future incarnation of Inuyasha's lost love...

But seeing them together... the concern in his eyes... the torment... the love...

Self-doubt had reared its ugly head once again and whispered her worse fears, the fears she so desperately wanted to silence. Seeing them together at the well realized all those fears and doubts in an instant, and she felt like nothing. Like she didn't even exist.

_No… Inuyasha... Inuyasha _cares_ about me, I know he does. But he will _always_ love her..._

Kagome started another coughing fit, this one forcing her to pause until it passed. The world blurred around her and she held herself steady as best she could until the dizziness passed, a feeling of nausea began to spread out from her belly. She hoped that Inuyasha would not look back and see her. Focus slowly returned to her eyes as she felt her world come together again.

Steadying herself determinedly, she took a few hesitant steps to resume following the young hanyou. She started to cough once again, causing Inuyasha to finally glance back at her. The expression on his face unreadable, but she imagined he was looking at her critically and brooding on impatience.

After all, it was her fault they had lost the shard.

She offered him a small smile, hoping to squelch the anger she imagined he was on the verge of feeling and briefly waved to him. He turned his back to her sharply, her heart crying out to him in vain.

Nausea threatened her once more and she felt her mouth begin to water. She spit a few times, hoping to resist the demands of her stomach by ridding her mouth of the metallic taste that was making her gag. Unable to resist the urge any longer she fell to her knees and purged, staining the snow in front of her.

Turning away from the sight she had just made she grabbed handful of clean, white snow and shoved it in her mouth, desperate to wash away the taste. Inuyasha was almost completely out of sight, his red gi the only thing she could distinguish through the whiteness of the snow and she began to panic. To lose sight of him now would be disastrous.

Forcing herself to stand once more, she felt her mind begin to whirl again. After a few hesitant steps, she paused and raised a hand to her head in the attempt to steady the spinning within. 

_Kikyou wouldn't be having such problems_ the voice in her mind reminded her. 

She squeezed her eyes tightly shut willing the spinning in her mind to slow. _I am not Kikyou. I am myself. Kagome... Kagome. I can be just as good as Kikyou, as strong..._

She opened her eyes and set her jaw. _I'm not just some weak, stupid, pathetic human... Inuyasha..._

She took a shaky breath and willed her legs to keep going at least a little further, but they refused to obey. She felt herself loosing her balance as her body moved forward, but her feet remained firmly in place.

Her eyes were open long enough for her to realize that she had been completely enveloped by cold whiteness.

Inu... yasha...


	2. Realization

**FYI: **"..." = talking | ... = thinking | **...** = flashback

**Disclaimer:** Inuyasha - Sengoku o-Togi Zoushi (Inu-Yasha: A Feudal Fairy Tale) was created by Takahashi Rumiko and is distributed in North America by Viz. I have no right to use Takahashi-sama's characters in any manner whatsoever... but I am hoping she does not mind my borrowing them for a bit.

* * *

**Contentment  
****Chapter Two  
~ realization ~**

* * *

The snow was diving and twirling around the hanyou as he determinedly cut a path through the forest. Inuyasha was getting increasingly annoyed. Not only had a Shikon shard fallen out of their grasp but they were also stuck in the middle of some freak blizzard! Not to mention the fact that Kagome had been acting particularly unpredictable lately. His jaw clenched at the thought. 

_Humans..._

The cold was slowing them down, especially Kagome, and he was anxious to get his hands on that shard. The demoness had escaped when the weather had started to change late in the evening, taking advantage of the changing winds and Inuyasha was unable to track her. Kagome had been little help as she seemed suddenly unable to sense exactly where the fragment was located. 

_The cold must be clogging her brain_ he thought sourly and then shook his head. He knew by her scent that she was ill, but she hadn't said anything about it so he felt that he didn't need to either.

The snow crunched beneath his feet as his mind drifted back to the demoness. His only condolence was that she was surprisingly weak considering she had a shard embedded into her flesh, and she was badly injured as well. He guessed she was more human than youkai anyway. She would not be able to get very far from where their confrontation had been interrupted. Inuyasha would track her down tomorrow when the storm broke. Then he would forcefully remove the Shikon fragment from her neck with his claws. A cruel smile parted his lips as he enjoyed the anticipation.

He glanced over his shoulder to check on Kagome when he heard her start to cough again. He paused and watched her shoulders shake as the coughing ensued. He did not like the sound of it, but felt any help from him would be rejected. He was glad that they were in a part of the valley that he was familiar with navigating. A small, rundown cabin was only a short distance away and he figured the sooner they got out of the snow, the better for them both.

Inuyasha watched her rest for a moment and felt the urge to go check on her pass through his mind. He had offered to carry her on his back earlier, but she had refused, saying that she could manage fine and to leave her alone. 

His face tightened at the memory of her stubbornness. Shrugging his shoulders, he granted her wish and set off determinedly through the snow, making it a point to only speak to her when necessary. He could match her stubbornness with ease. 

When Kagome had finally waved at him, he turned around briskly and continued to break a path in the snow for her. He didn't like the fact that he couldn't smell her or clearly hear her footfalls behind him, but he wasn't about to turn around and get her. Hurt pride and his own stubborn nature were the only things keeping him from picking her up and carrying her the rest of the way whether she liked it or not. If it were not for her odd behavior, he probably would have done just that.

She had become increasingly confusing and he was at his wits end trying to figure out what was going on in her mind. Kagome had been unusually quiet and closed off to him for the past few weeks. He was certain she was trying to avoid him most of the time.

He frowned; she was definitely _not_ acting like herself. He would have to ask her about what was bothering her once they got to the cabin. With the kitsune cub, hentai priest and the youkai hunter waiting for them back at the village, it would be the perfect opportunity to talk to Kagome without interruption from the likes of them.

After a few more meters, Inuyasha glanced over his shoulder to check on Kagome, the whiteness of the snow obscuring his visage. He paused and waited for her to appear... and waited. Concern building in his chest, he slowly began to retrace his steps as he continued to search the trail for any sign of her. Kagome still did not materialize. He bit his lip and scanned the area more thoroughly, the fringes of true panic beginning to form in his chest.

"Kagome!?" He shouted into the wind, knowing that she would not be able to hear him. 

"Kagome!" Retracing his steps more hastily, he silently prayed that she didn't wander off the trail somehow. It would be almost impossible to track her in these conditions.

"Kuso..." he muttered under his breath, _Where is that girl!?_

Inuyasha hastily walked another meter back down the trail when he noticed something black peaking out of a snow-bank. As he moved closer, he saw a pair of feet sticking out as well. He rushed forward and found Kagome face down, partially buried with her backpack visible just above the snow line. Forcing himself to remain calm, he gently picked her up and held her tightly. 

_How long...? When the hell did she fall?!_

He brushed some of the snow off her face and clenched his jaw worriedly when he saw the paleness of her flesh and the purplish tinge to her lips. He put his palm against her cheek and fear ebbed into his heart. Her skin felt... unnatural.

"K-Kagome? Wake up, Kagome. Come on..."

She remained motionless in his arms, her eyes tightly closed and her mouth slightly agape. The intense howling of the wind made it impossible for him to hear the sound of her breathing. He pulled her face up closer to his and inhaled her scent. She was definitely alive, but her scent was odd... frighteningly odd. The waning scent of vomit clung to her, but more intense than that was the reeking stench of illness.

Panic was quickly replaced by anger and he grit his teeth, _Damn it Kagome! Stupid girl! What the hell were you thinking?!_ He knelled down in the snow and put her on his lap while he removed the top of his gi. It was thoroughly wet from the snow but still warm from his body heat. He wrapped her in it as best he could and then threw her backpack over his shoulder before picking her up in his arms. He knew the cabin was close... he just needed to get there.

Cradling her chilled form against his chest, Inuyasha started to run toward shelter.

* * *

The sounds of objects being thrown about followed by several more colorful expletives filled the chilled air of the cabin as frustration was quickly boiling into rage. Inuyasha had spent almost ten minutes frantically searching for something... anything that could be used to help warm up Kagome and he did not have time to waste. 

Whoever had abandoned the cabin took everything with any value or use with them. Only a couple of damaged wooden chests and a broken bench remained, both considerably old and rotten. There was also a fireplace, but he didn't have the time to go searching for flint stones and leaving Kagome alone in her current state was out of the question.

Time was his primary enemy and the freezing cold was winning. She was slowly freezing to death before his very eyes.

Inuyasha grunted and punched one of the wooden chests, causing it to break apart under his fist. He took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair trying to remain calm. Worry over Kagome's health was the only thing keeping him from destroying the cabin in a fit of frustration.

Clenching his jaw tightly, Inuyasha turned around and stared at Kagome. She was lying on the floor in a fetal position with Inuyasha's wet gi wrapped around her, shivering violently. She didn't seem to be aware of what was going on around her. She just stared off into space in a daze; her eyes partially open yet unseeing. 

Alarm and dread continued to build in Inuyasha's mind with every passing moment. The young human needed some medicinal plants, a fire and many blankets, none of which Inuyasha could provide for her. The gnawing helpless feeling centered in his gut was slowing starting to spread throughout his entire being.

Inuyasha moved toward Kagome and carefully sat down beside her. Her arms were tangled up in his gi and her legs were tucked up under her chin. Wet black hair was plastered to her face, which was still paler than he liked but her lips were no longer quite as purple. 

Inuyasha hesitantly pulled her up onto to his lap and wrapped his arms around her trying to share his body heat with hers, gently rocking her back and forth. They were both soaked to the bone and he doubted that his efforts to warm her were very effective, but it was all he could do.

He scanned the room again in the vain hope that he had missed something when he remembered her backpack. His heart leapt into his throat with hope as anxious amber eyes darted about the cabin, searching for the familiar article only to find that it wasn't anywhere in sight. 

_I brought it with me, didn't I? Where...?_

Kagome squirmed slightly in his arms and he adjusted himself in order to hold her better when he realized that perhaps he had left the thing outside. Hope once again started to build in his chest. Gently laying her down on the floor he whispered, "I'll be right back, Kagome."

He rose swiftly and forcefully pushed open the door, noting with disgust that the snow had already built up enough outside to bury the door to just above his knees. The cold wind hit him hard, blowing snow into his face, temporarily blinding him. He mentally cursed himself for leaving the damn thing outside, as he shielded his eyes with his arm. 

_If_ he in fact had brought it with him to begin with.

The snow crunched under his feet as he stepped gingerly outside, carefully closing the door behind him. Lowering his face to keep the snow from hitting his eyes, he began his search. The footsteps leading to the cabin were already deeply buried, as were any other external evidence of their passage. He had no clues as to where the backpack lay, nor could he recollect exactly what he did with it. After several precious minutes of searching the vicinity of the cabin, the backpack was still nowhere to be found, he resigned himself to the fact that he'd lost it and didn't have the luxury to go searching for it now, not when Kagome needed him.

Tears pricked at his eyes as he thought of Kagome slowly freezing to death with every passing moment. Freezing to death because he couldn't build a fire or find a blanket. He balled his hands into tight fists, his claws drawing blood from his palms as a sense of self-defeat threatened to overwhelm him. 

_No! She's not dead yet! I'm not going to give up!_ Turning on his heel, he made his way back toward the cabin, determined to save her… somehow.

The door was once again blocked by drifting snow, he noted with ire. Using his foot, Inuyasha began kicking the snow away from the door grumbling his displeasure and cursing himself for dragging her away from the safety of the village to begin with. 

"Damn it!" Inuyasha seethed, rubbing his recently stubbed toe as he glared at the offending object that caused his pain. His rubbing slowed as his interest in the object increased. Dropping to his knees, he examined it more closely and his breath caught in his throat as he recognized it. The backpack he had been searching for was completely buried in the snow and resting right next to the door. Right in the very spot he must have dropped it in his haste to get Kagome inside the shelter of the cabin.

"BAKA!"

With newfound enthusiasm, Inuyasha dug out the rest of the snow blocking the door and forced it open. He picked up the backpack and slammed the door shut behind him, snow melting at his feet.

Inuyasha tore open the bag in a rush, not caring if he damaged the thing or not. Turning it upside down, he shook out its contents onto the rotting wooden floor, unfamiliar objects clattering at his feet. Extra clothes (which were damp and partly frozen he noted in disgust), a kettle, grooming supplies, books, and various items he didn't recognize... the sleeping bag! 

He grabbed it excitedly and examined it. The top of it was wet and some ice had formed in a few spots, but it was made out of that odd material from her world. Kagome claimed it was waterproof or something. He fumbled with the metal lock that held it closed; hoping with every fiber of his being that the inside of the sleeping bag was dry. 

The lock was tormenting him, resisting his yanks and pulls. He felt like just tearing it open, but he dared not damage it. Besides, he had seen her open it dozens of times it couldn't be that hard... there! The metal tab finally yielded to him and the sleeping bag opened, Inuyasha couldn't help but to smile in triumph.

He carefully laid the opened sleeping bag down on the floor to inspect it and nearly cried with relief when he felt the dry interior. At least now Kagome would be out of the immediate danger of freezing to death. Turning his attention back to the girl, he realized he was not quite done yet. She needed to be dry first, which meant he would have to undress her. He swallowed hard at the thought, his heart pounding frantically in his chest. Kagome was always quick to execute the multiple "sits" when she felt her modesty was being imposed upon.

Inuyasha set his jaw nervously, "Kago..." he suddenly trailed off when she moved ever so slightly beside him. 

Clearing his throat, he mentally cursed himself for feeling nervous over something so... trivial. Stubborn pride kicked in and he tried again, determined to not let some near catatonic girl intimidate him. "Kagome, you have to get out of these clothes. I have to get you dry." 

There. He had informed her of his intentions, his conscious clear. He was no letch like that so-called Buddhist priest, Miroku.

Unblinking eyes stared back at him in response. He bit his lip nervously and decided to take that as permission to proceed with his task. 

Carefully unwrapping her from his gi and removing her coat, Inuyasha tried not to think about what he was doing too much. He tried to force himself to go through the motions of pulling off her sweater and the rest of her outer garments as quickly and as automatically as he could. 

The thing she used to bind her breasts was confusing, but it needed to come off. It too, was wet and had to go. He didn't know how it was supposed to be put on or come off so he just pulled her arms out of the straps and pulled the rest of it off over her head and tossed it aside. She still had on one last piece of clothing, but decided it was best to leave that particular item where it was in the hope that Kagome wouldn't feel too angry with him when she finally woke-up.

The chilled air in the cabin caused the goose bumps already adorning her flesh to rise even more and he quickly began to gather her up in his arms. Snaking one arm under her shoulders and pulling her up toward his chest, he froze. 

Her skin was clammy and felt like it was on fire. 

Laying his palm against her face and chest confirmed his fear. She was burning up with fever and he did not have any herbs or medicines to help her. Shivers of too pale flesh caught his attention and he quickly laid her down on the bag and wrapped it tightly around her.

Inuyasha began rubbing her arms and legs through the sleeping bag as he wracked his brain with ideas about what to do about her fever. It never occurred to him that the reason she was so close to freezing to death was because her body was losing all its warmth through fever.

That meant she was still in a lot of danger.

Inuyasha frowned, it would be near impossible to find any medicinal plants in the blizzard and he still did not feel comfortable with the idea of leaving her alone. He chewed on his lip thinking as his eyes settled on her backpack and it's remains scattered about the floor. 

_Did she bring that first aid kit of hers? I wonder if it has something I can use.._.

He quickly rummaged through her pack and the discarded items laying about the floor, picking up various objects and then tossing them aside. Soon he came upon a small, odd-looking box with brightly colored kanji written on it. He read the box carefully, the words "Fever Reducer" written in small characters jumping out at him. Smiling at his good fortune, he returned to Kagome and sat down beside her.

Pulling the box apart, a silvery-looking piece of hard paper fell out landing on his foot and falling onto the floor. Contained within the hard paper were two... seeds? He stared at them inquisitively, wondering what they actually were.

Reading the box again, he realized they were called capsules and he had to push the capsule-things out of the hard paper and feed them to Kagome whole. One every 6 hours, it said. He frowned, Kagome smelled pretty sick and he wasn't sure if he trusted her odd-looking medicines. He would have to definitely go out and find some medicinal plants in the morning. He silently hoped the storm would break by then and that the capsules would do their job.

"Open up, Kagome," he murmured as he tilted her head up with his left hand and cradled her chin with his right, he forced her jaw open with his thumb. Removing his hand from her chin, he retrieved a capsule and quickly jammed it into the back of her mouth with his forefinger. Not hard enough to choke or hurt her, but enough to make her reflexively swallow. He gently massaged her throat to encourage her and then checked her mouth to be certain that she had indeed swallowed the capsule before administering the second one in the same fashion. Satisfied, he laid her back down and carefully wrapped the sleeping bag around her again.

"What the hell am I going to do now?" he muttered.

Memories from his childhood passed through his mind. He remembered how his own mother had taken care of him when he was ill. She had pilled on one blanket after another when he had chills and had made him drink the foulest tasting tea. He grimaced in remembrance of the taste.

It was that nasty-tasting tea he wanted to give to Kagome now.

The least he could do was make certain she was warm, and the only way he could do that, he reasoned, was to get under the covers with her and share his body heat with her since he could not start a fire. 

His decision made, he removed his own wet clothing as quickly as he could and pulled open the bag and slid in next to her. He felt the color rise in his cheeks at the awkwardness of the situation and decided that the best course of action would be to turn her so she would be on her side facing away from him. It was the only position he could think of where he could be close enough to her to warm her and that would make her the least angry.

"Kagome?" he whispered in her ear. "Kagome if you can hear me, say something..."

She continued to shiver, her teeth clattering together loudly in the relative silence of the cabin. He pulled the covers higher up around them and started to rub her arms. "It's okay, Kagome. Everything is going to be okay..."

He kept rubbing her arms and talking quietly to her until her shivering subsided. She was out of danger of freezing, but now he had a fever to contend with and a raging blizzard outside. He slowly began to feel her relax next to him, much to his relief. With that relief came the urge to sleep and he realized for the first time since he found the cabin how exhausted he was. Kagome was already sleeping peacefully next to him, her breathing deep and regular when he yawned and hugged her sleeping form to himself.

Sleep gently lulled him into unconsciousness and he submitted to it willingly without complaint. 


	3. Memories

**FYI: **"..." = talking | ... = thinking | **...** = flashback

**Disclaimer:** Inuyasha - Sengoku o-Togi Zoushi (Inu-Yasha: A Feudal Fairy Tale) was created by Takahashi Rumiko and is distributed in North America by Viz. I have no right to use Takahashi-sama's characters in any manner whatsoever... but I am hoping she does not mind my borrowing them for a bit.

* * *

**Contentment  
****Chapter Three  
~ memories ~**

* * *

A small boy around the age of five sat quietly beside his mother focusing all his attention on the large piece of paper before him. Shoulders hunched over and unruly white hair framing his small face, he bit his bottom lip as he concentrated on his task. 

The woman sitting next to him smiled faintly as she watched him repeat the same motions with his hand over and over again. Satisfied, he looked up at the woman sitting next to him and smiled. He held a small brush in his right hand, which was slowly dripping ink onto his knee as he waited for her to instruct him once more. She examined his work and then took the boy's hand in hers so they could practice drawing the kanji together as she corrected him on a minor mistake in one of the characters. 

He frowned at his error and the woman smiled to him reassuringly, telling him he was doing very well and that she was proud of him. He beamed at her, his smile growing wide, exposing his small, white fangs. 

Yet another feature he had inherited from his father.

He redrew the kanji and she nodded, encouraging him. Reaching up, she patted him on the head and stroked his ears lovingly, telling him he had done well. The boy loved to see his mother happy. She was so beautiful when she smiled; he wanted her to always smile.

Taking the brush from him, the woman began to draw a new word for the boy to learn. He watched her make the character strokes swiftly and expertly, her handwriting perfect. The last stroke made, he stared numbly at the character before him and realized that he already recognized the word.

_Shi._

He bit his lip and looked back at his mother, his amber eyes feeling the sting of threatening tears. Her smile was gone. Her dull eyes were staring at him, through him and he shuttered in fear and revulsion. He could no longer hear the soft, comforting sound of her heart beating. The scent of death was emanating from her profusely, causing him to panic and scramble backwards.

Then, he slowly felt his body begin to change...

**~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+**

Inuyasha's eyes snapped open suddenly, his whole body tense and trembling. His heart was beating wildly in his chest and his eyes felt the sting of unshed tears. He swallowed hard and willed himself to hold back, to not remember as a pleasant feeling of warmth and a slight stirring beside him helped to clear his mind.

Kagome's presence was comforting to him, even in her state of sleep. Inuyasha unconsciously pulled her closer, rested his chin on top of her head, and closed his eyes, trying to clear his mind completely of his dream... and the image of his dead mother. Kagome stirred next to him again and muttered something quietly in her sleep. He dipped his face closer to her hair and inhaled her scent; sweetness mixed with the perverted scent of sickness. 

_Kagome's illness is bringing back bad memories_ he thought grimly.

Dawn was still a few hours away and the wind outside had died to a low murmur with occasional gusts rocking the small cabin. He debated waking the sleeping girl. She still felt somewhat feverish, although not quite as warm as before. The capsules had succeeded in bringing her temperature down.

Upon inspection, Kagome seemed fine otherwise; the exposure to the freezing cold had not caused any physical damage to her flesh such as frostbite. Her breathing sounded better, too. Less labored. Inuyasha watched her eyes move about under her lids and listened to her murmur once more, idly wondering what she was dreaming.

Stretching out onto his back, Inuyasha closed his eyes and focused his attention on the wind as it pushed against the small cabin, causing it to occasionally creak and whistle softly. The storm was losing strength, much to his relief. He hoped the storm would be completely past them by sunrise so he would be able to get some healing herbs for Kagome and find some breakfast for them both. His stomach growled in agreement, reminding him that he had not eaten anything in the last fourteen hours and he quickly diverted his thoughts away from food.

Inuyasha rubbed his nose and glanced over at the girl beside him, her back turned to him and her hair fanning out over part of his shoulder. Even in the darkness, it shone with blue highlights. He studied the back of her head and pondered her odd behavior for the past few weeks, _Is she still upset over what happened near the well?_

The image of Kikyou as she had been fifty years ago filled his mind. Full of life and fire, it was the way he always wanted to remember her. The way her wanted her to be.

The spark that had drawn him to Kikyou was gone from her now. Her false body was cold and only smelled of the grave, reminding him of his loss and debt to her. Yet, he could see that familiar spark in Kagome now. It was not the same spark that he remembered seeing in Kikyou; it was different, unique. In Kagome, it glowed brighter and was twice as captivating and pure. He felt drawn to it. He wanted it to surround him, to engulf him, but he knew he did not deserve it. 

Guilt slowly ebbed into his heart. Kagome was not Kikyou, and he still owed Kikyou.

He remembered seeing the former protector of the Shikon no Tama near the Bone Eater's Well weeks ago, his heart full of anguish at seeing her in distress and realizing that Naraku was trying to destroy her once again. Rage and fear filled his mind in that instant. He had come much too close to losing Kikyou to Naraku for a second time and a sense of failure and guilt washed over him.

He thought his heart would stop when he saw her stumbling toward him. Seeing her in such pain... it tore at him, all the old feelings he had been trying to push away and deny came roaring up, and he _knew._ As much as he wanted to forget it and deny it... his heart ached for _her._ Had always ached for her since Kagome revived him, and a small part of it always would.

Everything crystallized for him in that instant. He would protect Kikyou from Naraku until his dying breath no matter what and he would do everything in his power to see to it that Naraku was made to pay for what he did to them both. That was his debt to her. He owed her that much and more.

**_Kikyou! I'm the only one who can protect you, aren't I?!_ **

It did not matter that she was made of earth and bones that held the stench of death; her soul... her heart... she was Kikyou, and part of him still loved her. He would settle her heart and free her tormented soul, even at the cost of his very life.

Then he saw Kagome watching him and knew instantly that she had seen and heard everything. 

Her eyes spoke volumes of hurt and he felt pity for her, but he could not tear himself away from her gaze. He realized suddenly that as much as he wished she had not seen, a small part of him was glad that she did. 

No, he felt _relieved_; relieved that she would know his heart and finally understand his intentions.

He had expected her to question him, to misunderstand, to be angry... instead her expression changed into something he never wanted to see and he felt part of his heart die in his chest. Without realizing it, he had somehow broken her.

He could no longer see that spark in her.

He watched as she turned away without a single word and left him alone with the scent of a dead woman clinging to his clothing.

_...and I didn't stop her..._

When she went through the well back to her own time he doubted she would ever return.

Inuyasha stifled a yawn and shifted into a more comfortable position, sleep threatening to take him as he continued to reminisce. 

He had missed Kagome while she was gone. Missed the comfort of having her near, her scent, her voice, her smile... He was afraid to go to her and tell her of his decision, to confront her and end everything. His hand drifted up and lightly fingered the prayer beads around his neck as he remembered how heavy they had felt while she was away. He did not want her to _not_ be a part of his life, and he felt ashamed of his own selfishness.

He had broken her, after all. She deserved better than that.

_...but she still returned to me. Why did you come back to me, Kagome?_

**_I can't compete with Kikyou. After all, I am alive. I thought a lot about Kikyou, too. Kikyou and I are very different. That I am apparently Kikyou's reincarnation also means that I am not Kikyou. My heart is my heart. But you know there is one thing about Kikyou's feelings that I understand. Like she, I want to see you again Inuyasha._

**_I thought, "Aren't both Kikyou and my feelings the same?" That made me feel a little better about everything. Therefore, I thought, "Aren't our feelings of wanting to see you also the same?" That is why I gathered my courage and came to see you Inuyasha. I want to be with you._**

Kagome's words echoed in Inuyasha's mind, warming him while condemning him.

_I don't deserve to be happy while Kikyou is tormented and alone._

He yawned reluctantly, feeling sleep tug harder at his consciousness and nestled himself more comfortably under the sleeping bag. _When I found her sitting at the well, she looked similar to how she did just before she had run off... but she said she wanted to be with me..._ He closed his eyes and sighed tiredly. _Kagome said she wanted to be with me..._ Inuyasha's body slowly relaxed in anticipation for sleep, his thoughts blurring together in a haze.

_Why? I don't deserve it..._

* * *

Inuyasha returned to the cabin a few hours after sunrise, his arms heavy with supplies. The storm, which had dumped ungodly amounts of snow on them all day yesterday and most of last night had finally broken just a few hours earlier, giving Inuyasha the opportunity to find some breakfast and other needed supplies, specifically some healing herbs and a pair of flint-stones. 

Kagome had not stirred since he left and her scent hung thick in the air of the cabin. Resting a hand on her forehead confirmed his suspicion that her fever was back. Inuyasha quickly began to pull apart one of the wooden chests that had been left behind by the previous occupant of the cabin and threw the wood in a heap into the fireplace. He quickly scanned the small cabin for any thing he could use as kindling when he saw one of Kagome's notebooks, they had used some of her paper before as kindling. Picking up the notebook, he quickly flipped through the pages, tearing out every page that was absent of any writing and then set to work on getting a fire going.

He delighted in the feel of his skin as the fire warmed him and he set to work preparing the healing herbs for Kagome. The leaves and roots ground together smelled as bad as he remembered.

No… worse.

He wrinkled his nose and tried not to think about the awful scent filling his nostrils. The memories the being ill as a child with his mother repeatedly insisting that he drink the tea and not whine about it came floating back to his mind. He was thankful Kagome would be the one drinking it this time and not him.

A quiet smile found its way to Inuyasha's lips as he ground the last bits of plant material together. How he hated the smell and taste of that damn tea! Nevertheless, he had loved the extra attention his mother doted on him when he did not feel well, or when he was afraid of his monthly transformation. His smile quickly faded at the memory of his mother, her image fuzzy in his mind and he sighed. Now was not the time for reminiscing about her.

He placed the small, iron kettle that Kagome regularly brought with her on the fire just long enough to become lukewarm before adding the healing herbs he had just finished grinding together. Satisfied that it had steeped long enough, he filled a small cup with the tea and took it to the sleeping girl.

"Kagome."

She remained motionless in the sleeping bag until Inuyasha forced her to sit up. Her eyes slowly opened and blinked at him, but remained unseeing.

"You've got to drink this."

He held the cup to her lips and slowly poured the liquid into her mouth, some of it dribbling down her chin and dripping onto her exposed chest. He shifted his hold on her, tilting her head back and cradling her so that the back of her head was resting against his shoulder and chest before he proceeded to get her to drink the tea again. She immediately started to choke and gag, coughing violently against him.

Inuyasha nearly dropped the cup of tea in surprise before she finally cleared her lungs and began to breathe normally. Chewing on his lip, Inuyasha pondered how he was going to get her to drink the tea without choking or letting it spill all over herself. He briefly wondered how his mother had forced him to drink it when he was a boy.

He repositioned himself behind her, her flesh slick from sweat. Commanding in a loud voice, he ordered her to drink the tea or else. It was an empty threat, but he didn't know what else to do and he was starting to feel frustrated. 

Her body remained limp and motionless in his arms, giving no indication that she had heard him. Her eyes continued to stare dully into space, unblinking. Inuyasha sighed and slowly poured a small amount of tea into her mouth, whispering a plea for her to just drink it. 

Much to Inuyasha's relief, she swallowed.

"That's it... good, Kagome. Just a little more," he whispered encouragingly, feeling a little foolish at talking to her as if she was a child. 

When the last bit of tea was consumed, he wiped her face and chest clean and carefully wrapped her back up in the sleeping bag. He would have to make her drink the tea every hour or so until her fever broke, but at least now he knew he could get her to drink it without choking.

His stomach rumbled loudly, reminding him that breakfast was still waiting for him. With his primary worry taken care of, he happily turned his attention to taking care of his own needs and filling his stomach with fresh rabbit meat. 


	4. Hope

**FYI:**"..." = talking | ... = thinking | **...** = flashback

**Disclaimer:** Inuyasha - Sengoku o-Togi Zoushi (Inu-Yasha: A Feudal Fairy Tale) was created by Takahashi Rumiko and is distributed in North America by Viz. I have no right to use Takahashi-sama's characters in any manner whatsoever... but I am hoping she does not mind my borrowing them for a bit.

* * *

**Contentment  
****Chapter Four  
~ hope ~**

* * *

Sleep was not something Kagome wanted to abandon. Being curled up under the covers and feeling all toasty warm... it was heavenly. If only the sinus pressure in her head would go away...

She rolled over, pulling the covers with her and felt her bladder protest loudly in response. Nature was screaming at her and try as she might, she could no longer ignore its persistent call.

Hesitantly opening her eyes, she blinked painfully, her head aching in response. It was much brighter out than she had expected. Her brain groggily churned, still muddled by sleep as she looked around. She was definitely somewhere unfamiliar. A groan rose from her throat as she pushed herself into a sitting position, her bladder protesting painfully again. Her mind churned a little faster, trying to piece together the events that lead her to this place. 

Bleary eyes darted about the room seeking out familiar faces, hoping someone she knew and trusted would be able to explain the situation to her. She felt relief once she caught sight of Inuyasha. He was sitting behind her tending to the fireplace, his back to her. 

She felt a cool breeze against her bare flesh and looked down in alarm. To her horror and embarrassment, she discovered that she was naked. A startled "eep!" escaped her lips and she quickly pulled the covers up over her chest and wiggled herself back into the sleeping bag. She was relieved to feel that she wasn't completely naked, but an embarrassed flush was already spreading across her cheeks like wild fire.

"Here." 

Kagome looked up to see Inuyasha standing over her holding out her school uniform. She hesitantly reached for the garment and pulled it out of Inuyasha's hands. It was warm from being laid out in front of the fireplace.

Embarrassment quickly changed into a mortified anger as she realized that she also had no memory of removing her clothing the night before, "Sit!"

With an undignified flop, Inuyasha went crashing to the floor with a thud. "Damn... bitch... what are you doing!?"

"How did I get naked?" she asked angrily as she pulled the shirt over her head. "Did _you_ undress me?"

"What the hell is your problem?!" Inuyasha spat as he pushed himself off the floor and glared at her. Relief mixed with anger swirled in his consciousness almost causing his snarl to slip into a small smile. She was certainly acting like herself. 

"WHY am I NAKED?"

"Feh! Ungrateful..." He scowled at her, "I saved your life. You should be thanking me you stupid girl!"

Kagome's expression softened but uncertainty remained. "You... saved my life?"

"You fell into a snow bank, remember?" he sighed and turned away from her. "You were practically dead when I found you. I had to get you out of your wet clothes so you wouldn't freeze to death."

Kagome paused for a moment trying to recall the events of the day before. She guessed it was late afternoon from the brightness of the cabin, but for the life of her, she just couldn't remember anything that would explain how she got here. It disturbed her. "I can remember the demon girl with the shard in her neck... and then it started to get really cold..."

Inuyasha nodded absently, his attention back on the fire pointedly trying to avoid looking at Kagome.

"I... I don't remember anything after that... I'm... I'm sorry, Inuyasha."

Inuyasha paused, the tone of her voice sounded almost lost and he felt sorry for her. "It doesn't matter anyway." He turned toward her and handed her a cup of some foul smelling liquid that she didn't recognize. His eyes still avoiding making contact with hers. "Drink it."

She stared down at the cup, "What... what is it?"

"What does it look like? It's tea. Drink it."

"Tea?" She hesitantly brought it up closer to her face and almost dropped it when she got a good whiff of it. "It smells like dirty socks! I can't drink that."

"You've been drinking it for most of the day!"

"I... I have?" She stared into the cup and frowned. She'd managed to walk to this cabin and have all her clothing removed without her having any conscious memory of any of it and now she is told that she's been drinking some nasty smelling tea all day... it was almost too much. She pushed her uncertainty aside as much as she could and slowly brought the cup up to her lips. The smell assaulting her nostrils and making her sensitive stomach do flip-flops. "But I've... got to go to the bathroom first."

"No. Drink that then go outside and do your business." The tone in his voice telling her that he would not let this drop until she complied and he was getting impatient. He waited expectantly.

"Tell me what it is first."

"Quit stalling. It's tea, I told you already."

"What _kind_ of tea?!"

"Feh!" Inuyasha clenched his jaw, "It's made of chrysanthemum and some other herb I can't remember the name of. It's good for sickness. My mother used to make this for me when I was a child. Just hold your damn nose and drink it fast and quit whining about it!" He motioned with his hand for her to hurry and drink. "Just trust me, damn it!"

Kagome held Inuyasha's intense eyes with her own for a moment before looking down at the cup in her hands. "I do trust you," she said quietly as she submitted to his request. She raised the cup closer to her mouth, willing herself to drink. Her bladder was screeching and Inuyasha wouldn't let her go unless she consumed the foul smelling stuff. She had no choice. With one quick motion, she gulped the liquid and nearly gagged. Her whole body seemed to lurch in response to the horrid tasting tea, Inuyasha merely smirked at her and turned back to the fire.

"Are you hungry?" Inuyasha asked over his shoulder as Kagome tried to finish getting dressed as quickly and as modestly as possible.

"Starving." Kagome responded as she stood. Her mind started to whirl the instant she raised to her feet. She closed her eyes and stood her ground waiting for the dizziness to pass. When she opened them again she was nearly nose-to-nose with Inuyasha. Her heart jumped in surprise.

"Are you okay?" Amber eyes filled with concern scrutinized her carefully.

"Yeah... I think I just stood up too fast," she said sheepishly. 

He nodded and stepped away from her, his watchful eyes aware of her every move. She walked toward her backpack, which was lying in a corner of the room and pulled it open.

"...Uhhh, have you seen my... oh!" She spotted her shoes next to the fireplace and put them on quickly. "Okay, I'll be right back."

"I'm going with you."

Kagome's eyes widened in shock, "What!? Why? You don't need to come with me while I go to the bathroom."

"You _just_ had a dizzy spell and almost feel on your ass. You're too weak to do anything. I'm going with you."

Her eyes flashed with the fear and embarrassment at the prospect that he actually _would_ go with her, "No you will not!"

"Yes, I will!"

Kagome set her jaw. "Inuyasha..."

"I said I am going with you! Are you deaf _and_ stupid?!"

Kagome gapped at him. "I'll say the S-word. Then you won't be going anywhere."

Inuyasha glared daggers at her.

"Look, I said I'll be right back."

He crossed his arms and looked away, "Fine. Do what you want. If you're not back in five minutes I'll..."

The sound of Kagome bolting out the door cut Inuyasha off before he could finish. He rolled his eyes and threw some meat on the fire for the girl muttering curses all the while.

* * *

Kagome chewed earnestly on the tough rabbit meat wishing she had Inuyasha's incisors. When she had returned from going to the bathroom, Inuyasha had offered the meat to her barely cooked. The mere sight of raw meat that had been cooked just long enough to be semi-warm nearly made her vomit on the spot. She argued with him for several minutes before convincing him that he needed to finish cooking it before she could eat it. Unfortunately she didn't think he would burn it as badly as he did, but she was so hungry it almost didn't matter.

Inuyasha sat slightly hunched over on the other side of her near the fire, his white hair covering his face. He appeared to be sleeping to Kagome at first glance, but every time she would start to cough or wheeze he would look up and watch her, his face bearing an unreadable expression. Then he would look down again, staring holes into the floor.

Kagome watched him quietly, wondering what, or better yet, _whom_ he was thinking about. She didn't really want to know _whom_, although she could definitely guess. The silence was oppressive and uncomfortable. She felt like a stranger to Inuyasha and she was uncertain how to proceed. The only sounds to be heard were the crackling of the fire and her own occasional fits of coughing.

Clearing her throat she broke the silence, "Is there something wrong, Inuyasha?" 

His eyes met hers momentarily, his expression causing her breath to catch in her throat. He grimaced at her and shifted his body uncomfortably. "Uh... no, nothing."

The crackling of the fire briefly caught Kagome's attention and she focused on the warmth as it comforted and soothed her tired muscles. Concern over Inuyasha's mood inspired her to attempt to converse with him again. Clearing her throat, she began once more. "Inuyasha, I'm sorry I yelled at you when I woke up." She blushed, remembering her reaction at finding herself topless. "I was just a little... uh, surprised, I guess. I'm sorry."

A bashful smile played upon her lips briefly before she took another bite of the meat waiting for him to respond.

"That's okay. I expected you to be angry."

Silence hung in the room once again and Inuyasha resumed his staring match with the floor. She sighed. Inuyasha was usually only this reflective when he was thinking about Kikyou. Her heart twisted a little in her chest.

_Sometimes he acts like this when he's worried about you, too_ Kagome darted another look at Inuyasha, suddenly curious and hopeful. "What's on your mind, Inuyasha?"

He glared at her impatiently and she immediately regretted asking. "Just finish your damn meat."

Kagome's brows drew together, _What's up with him telling me what to do like that?_ She stared at the fire, pointedly trying to avoid looking at Inuyasha and chewed miserably.

Swallowing the last bit of meat, Kagome rose and returned to her sleeping bag. She was certainly feeling a lot better than she had been feeling yesterday, but sleep was gently calling to her. Her muscles still felt achy and her head hurt. She didn't necessarily feel tired enough to sleep for the night, but there was no use in being awake. Inuyasha definitely didn't seem to want to talk to her and she was tired of trying to get him to tell her what was bothering him. After all, he had a right to think about his precious Kikyou without interruption. Sleep seemed like the best option, at least that way there was an excuse for the silent treatment. She turned her back to Inuyasha and pulled off her top quickly and replaced it with her normal nightgown, not caring if Inuyasha saw her bare back or not.

"It's not even past twilight yet."

Kagome glanced over her shoulder to see Inuyasha watching her intently. "So?"

"So... you're going to sleep pretty early. Do you feel that ill?"

_Is that concern I detect in your voice, Inuyasha?_

Kagome shrugged, "You don't seem too interested in talking to me, so I figured I would get some rest."

A grunt came in response, much as Kagome expected. She bent down and pulled the sleeping bag closer to the warmth of the fireplace, careful not to place it too close to where Inuyasha was seated. She sat down and pulled part of the covers over her legs. 

"Ah... thank you... for taking care of me. I really appreciate it," Kagome said quietly. "Good night, Inuyasha."

"You should have told me before we left," Inuyasha said without looking up.

"T-told you what?"

Inuyasha slowly raised his head and looked her in the eye, "About how sick you were."

She blinked at him, uncertain how to respond. "Ah, well... I didn't think it was that bad. I was feeling better so I thought I was well enough to go with you. It's my fault you lost the shard." She bowed her head slightly, "I'm sorry."

Inuyasha shook his head, "The shard will be easy to find," he muttered. "I should have known better. I could smell that you were sick but I thought you were all right because you didn't say anything about it."

Kagome paused for a moment and cocked her head, peering at Inuyasha skeptically. "You can smell it when someone has a cold?"

"Not anyone. I know your scent, so I know right away when it changes." He shrugged, "Of course, a human's scent changes for every little thing. Especially females."

She looked at him with surprise, "Is that so?"

He heard the challenge in her voice and responded in kind, "Sure. The smell of your sweat tells me what kind of food you've been eating. Your scent is slightly different when you first come through the well after you've been home for a while. It also changes when you're worried over those 'test' things and when you're scared or just upset in general. Plus there are the monthly scent changes."

Her brows drew together, the implication of what Inuyasha was telling her slowly dawned on Kagome and her mouth gapped open. "Y-you mean you can smell when I... when I'm on..."

Inuyasha shrugged nonchalantly, "Sure."

A look of horror mixed with embarrassment moved across Kagome's features. A blush was rapidly spreading across her face and she looked completely dumbfounded. Inuyasha was finding himself increasingly amused with her reaction and the urge to play with her grew stronger. Adverting her eyes away from him, she began to nervously fidget with the hem of her nightshirt.

"It's a pretty major scent change. Why are you surprised I would notice it?"

Kagome remained quiet for a while before slowly forcing herself to look up at him. She cleared her throat and whispered, "Y-You can... smell when I have my... period?"

Perplexed eyes searched her face, "Period?"

Her blush grew darker and she was forced to look away. "Uh..." _oh Kami-sama.._. "When I... b-bleed once a month?"

"Feh!" Inuyasha crossed his arms and snorted, "Of course I can smell that! Every youkai downwind of you can smell it. I don't have a weak nose like you humans." 

Kagome said nothing as she continued to thumb the hem of her shirt. Inuyasha caught the gentle scent of her sweat and smirked to himself. She was indeed quite embarrassed and he was enjoying her response too much to simply let the subject drop. 

"All women carry a paired-scent," Inuyasha continued matter-of-factly, "one of them always being a blood scent. You're female, you're old enough to know these things without _me_ having to tell you. Baka."

"Well, it's just... I didn't know it..." Kagome stammered. Embarrassment was desperately crying to her to change the subject, quickly. Her mind churned trying to think of something... _anything_ to steer the conversation off course and away from talking to Inuyasha about her period! 

"But... but what is this... 'paired-scent'?" She mentally slapped her forehead, realizing her folly. _AHH! Stupid! stupidstupidstupid!_

Much to Kagome's surprise, Inuyasha laughed, clearly amused. It was a sound Kagome rarely heard and wished she could hear more often. "Why do you humans even have noses?" He grinned, "You have a blood scent and a... mating scent. That's the only way to describe it. Women's scents even change when they are expecting a child or nursing. Didn't your mother talk to you about this or do _I_ have to explain it to you?" He smirked mockingly as he leaned towards the young woman and whispered softly, "Kagome, do you know where babies come from?" 

Inuyasha could hear her heart pounding faster in her chest, her cheeks growing darker with embarrassment even as she angrily glared at him. Inuyasha chuckled and crossed his arms over his chest again, putting forth his best pompous pose. 

"All human women carry a mating scent and a blood scent. I smell it on Sango, too. Although Kaede-baba is too old." Inuyasha's smirk grew into a wide grin as Kagome shifted uncomfortably and returned her attention to the hem of her shirt. It was rare to see her so... mortified into speechlessness. The temptation to toy with her had been too strong to ignore. "Shippou can certainly smell it, although Miroku can't... that's a benefit. I'd hate to see the way that hentai acts around a woman he can smell is in heat."

Kagome opened her mouth to say something, but Inuyasha cut her off to get one last jibe in. "Kagome, haven't you ever noticed that there are certain days when Shippou doesn't act so... 'clingy' with you? When he refuses to sleep with you in your bedding?"

Her fingers stopped twining with the hem of her shirt for a moment in reflective pause. He knew she was mentally verifying his statements to be true and waited patiently for her reaction. She said nothing as she grabbed a handful of the material in her clenched fist. His itch had been scratched and it was time to stop toying with the girl. "He's still too young to really understand. Anyway, since I know what you smell like healthy I can also easily smell when you are sick. That was how I knew you were ill. Your scent changed."

"...ah..."

The chatter of fire crackling filled the cabin again as the two became quiet once more. Inuyasha sighed deeply. He had enjoyed that brief exchange. It had been a while since he and Kagome had played verbally and he missed it. Kagome had acted more like herself in the time when she first woke up than she had in the past few weeks since... _since she saw me with Kikyou..._ He scowled and turned his gaze to the fire.

"Inuyasha, what's bothering you?" Kagome asked, her voice holding a quality of pleading.

He searched her face, and felt guilt wash over him. He couldn't do this to her. His decision was finally made; it was time for them to talk. Taking a deep breath, he began. "I have been wondering the same thing about you."

"Me?"

A nod came in reply.

"What do you mean?"

"You've been acting strangely for the last few weeks." He paused, weighing his words. "Distant. I get the feeling you've been avoiding me or angry with me and you've been short-tempered..."

Legs slowly drew up to her chest giving Kagome the appearance of a child. Large blue eyes stared out at him over the tops of her knees. She was pulling away from him, both physically and emotionally. It disturbed him to see a physical display of what he has been feeling from her for the last few weeks, but he continued undaunted, "What is bothering you?"

"Is this what has been bothering you?"

"Ahh, no— your odd behavior has..." He clenched his jaw, becoming impatient. She was avoiding the question. "I don't like feeling like I have to walk on eggshells around you!" 

She remained silent, hesitant.

He narrowed his eyes at her, "Is this because of Kikyou?"

A pregnant pause filled the air. Kagome and Inuyasha both locked eyes, waiting.

"Yes." Kagome's level voice broke the silence as her eyes broke away from his.

"Why?" His voice much more gruff sounding than he intended it to be.

Kagome sighed and forced herself to look evenly at Inuyasha, willing her voice to remain steady and true. "I don't want to talk about this. Besides, I thought we went through all of this at the well."

Inuyasha grunted and glared at her. She could see he was very close to losing his patience and would not let the subject drop, his expression demanding an answer from her. There was no avoiding it.

Swallowing hard, Kagome gathered her courage. "I—I meant what I said to you back at the well. I want to be with you, Inuyasha... that's why I returned." Kagome felt her throat begin to tighten and tried desperately to ignore it. She knew that if she looked into Inuyasha's eyes now, there would be no way she would be able to hold back her tears. "I know you have chosen Kikyou. I know you still love her; will probably _always_ love her. I just... it still hurts to know that there is no room in your heart for me."

She paused and took a deep breath. She felt like she was standing on the edge of a cliff, too close to the edge to turn back now. Her heart urging her onward, she continued. Closing her eyes she whispered quietly, "It hurts because I— I love you, Inuyasha."

The familiar sting of tears pricked at her eyes and she used every ounce of willpower she had left to hold them back as she waited for some kind of response. The fire crackled loudly in her ears as the silence stretched out. She finally opened her eyes only to see Inuyasha staring at the fire with an unfamiliar expression clouding his features.

_Perhaps he didn't hear me..._

That thought alone caused one tear to slip, and another, until her cheeks became damp with them. She silently cursed herself for crying and wished somewhere to hide and be alone with her broken heart.

"Kagome, I can't love you back," Inuyasha's hushed voice broke through her tears. "I just... I can't. I'm sorry." His amber eyes looked at her sadly, full of pity. During her internal struggle to remain calm and abate her tears, she hadn't even noticed him move to sit directly in front of her.

She turned her face down and away from him; hating the sympathy she saw his eyes. She nodded simply out of habit, "It's okay, I understand..."

A callused thumb brushed across her cheek, wiping away her tears. "No, you don't." He gently cupped her chin and forced her to look up at him. "Kagome... I _care_ about you more than anyone living. You are the only one I..." he paused, pursing his lips together, wanting to get the words right before continuing.

"I trust you more than anyone, but I don't deserve your love." He saw Kagome's eyes flash with protest and he quickly silenced her with a finger over her lips. "Wait for me to finish."

She slowly relaxed and he continued, "It is _my_ fault that Kikyou's soul is roaming this earth tortured, that she died hating me. Naraku succeeded. I couldn't bring myself to completely trust her, to believe in her and because of that she died believing that I had betrayed her. All because I couldn't bring myself to completely trust her, even though I loved her. I _owe_ Kikyou. She deserves better than that. I can't allow myself to find happiness until she is at rest and her soul is appeased. I can't stand the thought that she is _living_ the way she is now because of me. If my death will appease her then I will gladly die once Naraku is taken care of and the jewel is made whole. I owe her that much."

Warmth slowly spread throughout Kagome's being as Inuyasha spoke. A fire. It spread from her belly throughout her body in an instant. For the first time since she had met Inuyasha, she felt true anger toward him and Kagome could hear no more. She pulled away from him abruptly, knocking Inuyasha slightly off balance by the forcefulness of it. 

"No! You are the one who doesn't understand! Kikyou is already dead! Her body is a sham and her soul is barely connected to that... that _flesh_. Your death will not appease her or atone for anything!"

Inuyasha stared at her wide-eyed and uncertain, his mouth agape. She took a deep breath to calm herself before continuing. "I can understand you still loving her... but wanting to die for a woman who is already dead? Inuyasha, I know she would not ever want that. Not the _real_ Kikyou that you knew fifty years ago. The Kikyou walking around now is _not_ her."

Silence hung in the air as both parties tried to sort out their thoughts.

"Everyone tells me I am Kikyou's reincarnation. That I am not the person I always thought I was." She let out a slight snort and smiled self-mockingly, "I struggled for a long time if my thoughts and feelings were truly mine, or if they were Kikyou's. I used to tell myself that what I felt for you wasn't really _me _feeling it, and it made me feel hallow inside. It's painful to be told that you are someone else. But if that is the case... if I am truly Kikyou's reincarnation... I can tell you with certainty that she would not want you to die like that, Inuyasha. If our hearts are truly alike, I know she wouldn't want that because I wouldn't."

"You really used to think that about yourself?" Inuyasha's voice was barely above a whisper.

"I still think that."

Inuyasha grabbed Kagome's hand in his and squeezed it reassuringly, "Kagome... you're... I mean I don't..." He broke off, the message he wanted to convey to her lost as the words failed to come to him.

All Kagome could feel was the comforting warmth of Inuyasha's hand around her own.

"You and Kikyou are two different people," he whispered finally. "You are more than just her reincarnation... I mean, much of Kikyou's soul is within you, but you are you. There is only one Kagome."

Fresh tears pricked at her eyes, begging for escape. The gentle squeeze of his hand wrapped around hers drove one rogue tear down her cheek to splatter silently on her lap.

"You are no less than she is. I think you're more." He reluctantly let go of her hand, allowing her to wipe her tear-stained cheeks.

"For awhile, I thought I would be content to die if it meant freeing Kikyou from her hell... but..." his voice faded as he tried to form the words in his mouth. His eyes bore into hers meaningfully, holding her. He whispered softly, "...but I... have something to live for now, Kagome. I don't want it to be this way, but I feel trapped." 

The words weighed heavily on Kagome's chest, causing her breath to catch in her throat. 

Inuyasha turned his face away from her, a faint blush spreading across his cheeks. "It is my hope that I will be able to appease Kikyou's heart without having to sacrifice myself... but I meant what I said before. I _owe_ Kikyou and it is a debt I must pay. I couldn't live with myself otherwise." He turned to face her, his cheeks no longer casting a ruddy hue. "Until then, I can't accept your love and love you in return and be happy until this is finished. I'm... sorry, but I just... can't."

His eyes held hers for a moment before turning away to gaze at a far corner of the room. Feeling bold, Kagome scooted closer to Inuyasha and rested a trembling hand on Inuyasha's knee. Startled amber eyes met hers and before either one of them could blink, she threw her arms around him fiercely. He tensed up from the suddenness of the contact before returning the hug earnestly, enjoying the feel of her against his chest.

"Th-thank you... for telling me that, Inuyasha," she whispered in his ear. "Thank you."

He squeezed her more tightly and inhaled her scent. The warmth of her being soaked into his, filling him. _She loves me_ He held her tighter, enjoying the moment, memorizing every detail he could. _I'm so sorry Kagome, I am the coward_. He felt a lump form in his throat and swallowed it down stubbornly. _I couldn't say it... but I love you, too..._

* * *

"Come on," Inuyasha said as he motioned to Kagome, indicating that he was ready for her to climb onto his back. The morning sun hung brightly on the horizon; it was time to return to their friends waiting for them in the village, and to their quest.

She nodded mutely and crossed the distance between them. She hesitated a moment, feeling suddenly uncertain about the idea of touching him, of being that close to him. It was foolish, she knew. After all, they shared her sleeping bag last night and even with their best efforts to avoid too much contact, they still woke up that morning in a tangle of limbs. Regardless, her heart still made a flip-flop in her chest with the anticipation of being so close. Chastising herself for her foolishness, she quickly climbed onto his back hoping that he didn't notice her hesitation and the flush of her cheeks. He hefted her up into a more secure position and then retrieved her backpack.

She took one last look at the cabin that had sheltered them from the storm, bittersweet emotions filtering through her consciousness. Kagome smiled slightly despite herself. She had offered Inuyasha her heart and he had refused, but she had seen a part of him that also filled her with hope.

Things were different now. 

Without a word between them, they left the cabin. The air was crisp, but not blistering cold as it had been. Kagome snuggled closer to Inuyasha, relishing in his warmth and the moment of peaceful closeness. Soon they would be back with their friends and the chaos of searching for the Shikon no Tama.

Even though he had made it clear to her that he could not give her his heart in return, she felt some comfort in the knowledge that he knew her feelings. Besides, she was certain fate had plans for each of them and she would be patient and continue to love him in silence. Until then, she would stay by his side through everything... and she would be content with that.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Thank you for taking the time to read this. I really do appreciate it. Comments and criticisms are appreciated and encouraged. Feel free to email me.


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